Moms Talk: Sexting

Remember the days when liking a boy at school meant holding his hand at the football game or passing him a note with “yes or no” boxes to check?

It’s a whole new world, moms, and in the words of Bob Dylan, “your old road is rapidly aging.” A recent Harris Interactive study found that four out of five teens in America carry a wireless device, and that same study confirmed that texting is replacing talking among teens. Some 42 percent of teens say they can even text blindfolded.

Teens use their wireless devices to document their lives online. Posting photos, updating their status messages, sharing rapid-fire texts, and being a click away from friends are the new normal for teens.

This “always on” culture is great, but it also gives kids the technology to make a mistake that could haunt them for years in the form of (cue the Debbie Downer music) -- sexting.

Those of you who know about sexting are probably shielding your eyes and moaning. You don’t even want to think about it, right? Me either. But we need to.

For those of you who might be unfamiliar with the term, sexting is teenage flirting that involves sending explicit messages or nude or semi-nude photos from cell phone to cell phone. Instead of "texting," they call it called "sexting."

Now you can join the rest of us in our “say it ain’t so” agony.

While the X-rated offerings are usually intended just for a boyfriend or girlfriend, the photos often wind up being shared. You’ve probably heard about the seemingly endless parade of celebrity dummies who have been sexting and had their messages and photos released to the world at large.

The most recent example I can think of is bombshell Scarlett Johanssen, who had compromising photos of herself appear on the internet after her phone was hacked.

Even a congressman from New York was busted for sexting.

Scarlett and Congressman Weiner are adults, and if they want to behave like reckless idiots, that’s their business. But what we’re talking about today is our kids and sexting.

Impulsive and provocative teens are nothing new, but the technology that allows them to use cell phone cameras to send nude photos of themselves is. And whether they intend it or not, those photos usually spread like wildfire.

In addition to the social ramifications and the possibility of something humiliating resurfacing when they apply to college or their first job, there are legal consequences for sexting.

This year in Wisconsin, a 17-year-old was charged with possessing child pornography after he posted naked pictures of his 16-year-old ex-girlfriend online.

In Alabama, authorities arrested four middle-school students for exchanging nude photos of themselves.

In Rochester, N.Y., a 16-year-old boy is now facing up to seven years in prison for forwarding a nude photo of a 15-year-old girlfriend to his friends.

So what can we do about this besides giving them a crappy data plan? Talk. Talk, talk, talk to your teens! I tend to go the “scare the bejeezus out of her” route, but here are some other tips from Common Sense Media you might find helpful:

• Don’t wait for an incident to happen to your child or your child’s friend before you talk about the consequences of sexting. Sure, talking about sex or dating with teens can be uncomfortable, but it’s better to have the talk before something happens.
• Remind your kids that once an image is sent, it can never be retrieved -- and they will lose control of it. Ask teens how they would feel if their teachers, parents, or the entire school saw the picture, because that happens all the time.
• Talk about pressures to send revealing photos. Let teens know that you understand how they can be pushed or dared into sending something. Tell them that no matter how big the social pressure is, the potential social humiliation can be hundreds of times worse.
• Teach your children that the buck stops with them. If someone sends them a photo, they should delete it immediately. It’s better to be part of the solution than the problem. Besides, if they do send it on, they're distributing pornography - and that’s against the law.
• Check out ThatsNotCool.com. It’s a fabulous site that gives kids the language and support to take texting and cell phone power back into their own hands. It’s also a great resource for parents who are uncomfortable dealing directly with this issue.

What's your take on sexting? Have you talked to your children about the dangers?

Related Topics: Sexting, moms talk, sexting scandal, and sexting teens